Whenever it was recess/lunch time at school I spent the majority of time by myself, or I would talk to the teachers when they were doing their walk around on duty. “Why don’t you go hang out with your friends?” they would ask. “What friends?” was my constant reply. I could hang out with the bullies…plenty of them around. When the kids at school went to a party, school dance or ball..guess who wasn’t invited? Being treated as a loner for no other reason than “just because”, isn’t going to do anything good.
Having Encopresis with the uncontrollable soiling of underwear (and NO urge) is hard enough, having any chance of a social life is a long distant dream. When I see the “popular kids” or anyone with the huge self confidence or a social butterfly, I admit I’m envious. I cried a lot because of the bullying, being stabbed, work stolen and things thrown at me. Neither of these are related to having Encopresis, only I wasn’t self confident enough to not let it upset me.
The teenage years are where the affects of peer pressure and peer influence take hold. I was able to invite a few friends to my birthday, but rarely was I invited in return. Sometimes in the movies/TV shows there are scenes where the teenagers are hanging out with their friends (both guys and girls), dates and all the other fun stuff. When you have Encopresis (including myself), it isn’t a cliche but real. It can be so painful to watch other teenagers be happy and do “normal” things, but can only view it from the outside and no idea what it’s like to actually experience it for his/herself.
Once I left school after Graduation and no longer in contact of people from school life (especially the bullies), I am more able to gain my self confidence, and with it a sense of social confidence. Performing and books (writing, reading and the library) are always a part of me. I am my most happiest doing what I love, and no longer allow bullies to take control. I won’t be somewhere if the bullies are there. I always stayed true to myself, my family and my interests.
Being on stage, on set or writing and hanging out with like minded people means a lot to me. The more I know about myself and push my comfort zone, the more I can stand up for myself. I can walk down the street with a spring in my step and talk to people. To tell someone I know that I had Enco isn’t easy, but it really is freeing. Here is a quote from a recent e-mail that a fellow Encopresis survivor sent me:
“I told my few friends in class that I had a disorder called Encopresis and for the first time in my life I no more feel shallow for myself and that they took it lightly now I feel much better around them.
Initially I repented telling them but I found that its better to let them know than hiding inside and killing my social life, I even discovered that its considerably a better experience than being sympathised. I am really doing good at this now and I am always thankful for your dedicated efforts towards enco veterans. I may be healing in a real slow pace but I found it as a healthy development and I am sure that my leap of faith did not go in vain”.
Understandably not everyone is ready to open up to someone they trust about this condition (myself included at the time). Opening up about this to someone you trust (close friend, teacher, family) is hard initially but is something I suggest you do. If suffer from Encopresis while at school for example, a trusting friend that knows what is happening and on your team, can hint that you need to change and be there for moral support. The first step is always the hardest.
Keep posted to my blog for Part 2 of this post. Don’t forget to subscribe, write/e-mail to The Ellen DeGeneres Show and give the Facebook page a LIKE ( https://www.facebook.com/helpencopresissurvivorseeellen?ref=hl ), and let me know how you go.
Do you have any suggestions? Have you shared your story with anyone else and was it helpful in gaining confidence in yourself and social confidence? Take care,