“It’s a power struggle” (- quote from Dr Phil)

Today (here) I have just watched something gut wrenching on the Dr Phil show. In an episode called “Biggest Mistakes you don’t know you’re making” (original broadcast date 11/24/09), there was a family whom have a son with Encopresis. Ironically I get a season in Australia that’s 3 years old, but I’m lucky I saw this one.

The boy (at time of broadcast) is pre-school age (3 years old I think) poops in his pants. Dr Phil commented that it’s a “power struggle” with the boy winning, and that comment has really upset me. If you have been reading my blog so far (thank you if you have) then you’ll know by now that I am an Encopresis survivor. Something that Dr Phil never mentioned in this particular episode is that their son (the parents on the show) has this medical condition. Dr Phil admits he doesn’t know much about it (even though he has had a previous family on the show with Encopresis, and mentioned it, in 2007). Dr Phil never had enco, nor Robin and neither has his own sons had it. The more I hear stories like this the more inspired and dedicated I am to complete my manuscript and get it published.

I wanted to so much to hug the boy and tell him he’s ok. Ironically Dr Phil hasn’t interviewed in the episode mentioned any survivors (such as myself) for opinions/thoughts/advice nor any “experts”. I can’t let these children suffer because of the myths and misconceptions. I’m understanding how hard it is for the parents in this situation, but I feel it more to how the children/teens/adults feel whom have (or have had) this condition. I have just measured my blood pressure and pulse, both are high (pulse measured at 75). I’ve also been crying my heart out.

If Dr Phil genuinely thinks this is a “power struggle” does that mean that what I have been through (punishing, yelled in public, no friends, no social life, bullied/stabbed/work stolen/things thrown at me, etc), is that meant to be intentional?? If the medical aspect has been looked at (for example chronic constipation or spasdic colon) then perhaps there may be something else involved (especially after talking to some of the parents on Facebook). However NOT every Encopresis child has a power struggle and Dr Phil didn’t acknowledge that. Something that is correct that Dr Phil says in the story is this:

“You’ve got to make sure that he knows that you love him unconditionally, so don’t withhold love and support.”

 Definitely keep this in mind and heart, my dear readers. Let me know what you think.

Here is the link to the website with the story: http://drphil.com/slideshows/slideshow/5439/?id=5439&showID=1360

For those interested here is the  link to the only other previous story on the Dr Phil show about Encopresis (I haven’t seen this episode myself. Dr Phil does seem more forgiving in this story and the comments from the public aren’t. However what he said in this link, he didn’t say to the story mentioned above that this post focuses on):

http://drphil.com/slideshows/slideshow/3908/?id=3908&slide=0&showID=916&preview=&versionID

I have to help and I’m here to help. I’m willing to do anything and everything I have to for these families. My book is written from a survivor…an Encopresis survivor. xx

Write 1,000 good words challenge

A friend challenged me to write 1,000 good words in a week (on a new piece of writing). It was hard initially for me to get that first sentence (or paragraph) satisfactory enough for me to continue writing. After a while I did succeed in the challenge.

As I’ve started and working on my book (including the writing as the challenge to get me properly started and my “writing mojo” back), I have learnt how big a task I have endeavoured upon. This is a important project (I think so anyway) and my heart is in the right place. It’s so complex but seems simple at the same time. I hope I can find that balance and do the book justice, help and support those that really need it.

Something I also found out today was I called the CAMHS people (that many of the parents talk about going to), asking for information about encopresis or what they talk to their patients (and parents) about in the program. I haven’t gotten anywhere yet with that, however one of the executives of the department have passed on my contacts to someone who deals with pediatrics, saying incontinence (or soiling) is medical and not psychological. So basically the department that parents mention going to (that deal with mental health in children) to help their child with enco, pass me onto pediatricians. I know some kids will have their enco triggered as a result of trauma (abuse, adopted, cancer/death in family, divorce, etc). I just found it interesting…

“There’s more to life”

coming back to life

About 5 years ago I wrote a poem at a time I emotionally needed to get my thoughts/feelings out. The reason why I wrote it isn’t important however I do love this poem, all my original, and occasionally quote myself to this day. It was written in June 2007. I hope you find it inspirational as I do. Enjoy…

There’s more to life

There’s more to Life, there’s more to Love;

there’s more to the World, and the skies above.

There’s more to the Universe, that’s plain to see,

there’s more to you, and there’s more to me.

Times are changing; it’s time to grow,

it’s time for me to show the world what I know.

I know where I want to be, but not how to get there,

but I must never give up, and never despair.

When you have conflicting feelings, what do you do?

How do you know what’s right, and make your Heart’s dreams come true?

What are you supposed to do when you feel that there’s something “missing”?

when you like who you are talking to, but not what you are seeing.

  When you are in a Relationship, there’s no manual you see,

So how are you supposed to know what’s right, think, and have the right feelings?

There’s more to Life, and that’s what I’m starting to realize,

but I am on a ‘Journey of Self Discovery’ that will help open my eyes.

There’s so many rules to Life, it can be hard to perceive;

and to try and figure out what to do, and who to believe.

But there’s more to Life, which makes it fun,

so the World needs to know that mine has just begun.

I’m new to Relationships, I’m new to Who I am;

But there’s so much to Life, I don’t always know where I stand.

Can life really become so complicated, or am I making it so?

I need my Friends and Family beside me, to really help me grow.

If my thoughts and feelings change over time,

I have to remember that it’s ok, and not a crime.

 What I thought I would have wanted in my life, may not always be;

But no matter what Life has to offer, it’s now a part of my Reality.

So as you can see, there is more to you and me.

Whether you’re Happy, Sad or in Strife;

just remember, that there is always more to Life.

An Ode to CAN

There has been an ad on TV recently for the Commonwealth Bank, and they use this beautiful poem. It’s powerful in its meaning that I thought I would share it here. I claim no ownership and no copyright infringement intended. Grammatically it should be edited but that’s how it’s written. If interested here is the ad (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2psopYv5sZs) Enjoy…

AN ODE TO CAN

There’s a four lettered word

As offensive as any

It holds back the few

Puts a stop to the many.

You can’t climb that mountain

You can’t cross the sea

You can’t become anything you want to be.

He can’t hit a century

They can’t find a cure.

She can’t think about leaving

or searching for more.

Because can’t is a word with a habit of stopping

The ebb and flow of ideas

It keeps dropping itself where we know

in our hearts it’s not needed

And saying “don’t go”

when we could have succeeded.

But those four little letters

That end with a T

They can change in an instant

When shortened to three.

We can take off the T

We can do it today

We can move foward not back

We can find our own way.

We can build we can run

We can follow the sun

We can push we can pull

We can say I’m someone

Who refuses to believe

That life can’t be better

With the removal of one

Insignificant letter.

“I am just a girl” (a poem about what it’s like to be me, as a teen, with encopresis)

me in cupboard

This is a poem written about my personal life experiences with Encopresis. Although some of the words written in the poem didn’t actually happen, the emotion behind it is the same. To anyone to hasn’t gone through with this (and very lucky), this poem might seem strange but for me and others like me it’s life. It was a major part of my life, and reveals how I felt and thought. I’m claiming it. So enjoy, and read it from the heart.

I AM JUST A GIRL

I poo in my pants,

But I can’t help it y’know.

My body doesn’t tell me

When I need to go.

I might have just done it.

I could be dirty and smell.

But my nose tells me nothing

So I really don’t know.

At school they avoid me,

Around town as well.

‘Best stay away from that girl

Cos she stinks like hell.’

I hide soiled pants,

Stick them out of the way.

I’ll still get told off

But at least not today.

I did it at school

And I started to cry.

The class started laughing,

I just wanted to die.

The teacher moved me away

To a separate classroom.

‘You can stay on your own,

No one will sit next to you.’

Will a boy ever like me?

Will I ever find love?

A boy who won’t tease me,

For what my body does.

Why am I like this?

I’d rather be you:

Have friends and be happy,

And use the toilet to poo.

I’ve just done it again

Out shopping with Mum.

She’s angry and shows it;

She can smell what I’ve done.

She shouts in the street

So everybody can hear,

‘You smell like a sewer,

Can’t take you anywhere.’

‘You’re disgusting and lazy,

Why don’t you go to the loo?

No-one else poos their pants,

You’re fifteen, not two.’

‘I’m just so embarrassed

To have a daughter like you.’

She forgets I have feelings

And I hate it too.

I don’t choose to do it,

But that’s what they think.

That I must want messy pants

And I must want to stink.

I’m sat on the toilet,

It’s difficult to poo;

My tract is blocked up,

I’ve got stomach ache too.

I want to be normal,

I so want to live,

Go to sleepovers and parties

And have fun on school trips.

Why not ask me to visit?

We can talk, laugh and play.

Just say if I smell,

I’ll change straight away.

Let’s have a sleepover,

Your bed will be safe.

I’ll bring my spare pants,

Go on – it’ll be great!

Why can’t we be friends?

I’d like to know you.

I am a nice person

And I’m sure you are too.

You can’t catch what I’ve got,

You won’t get it as well.

So please, I’m not a monster,

I am just a girl.